Logging onto Facebook is like navigating a minefield of humble brag-style statuses. There seems to always be new baby photos from people you barely speak to, new home photos, and of course, engagement announcements. For a long time, it may have seemed as though Instagram and Twitter were safe (these people are your real friends and not just hometown randoms, after all) but one quick scroll and BOOM. One of your friends, your actual, good friends, is engaged.
This story is available exclusively to Business Insider subscribers. Become an Insider and start reading now. Have an account? Log in.Whether you got the personal "we’re getting married!" text or saw it on Insta like the rest of their followers, it’s a celebratory time for your besties, but it can also a little bit intimidating for you, especially if you’re single. This isn’t someone you went to high school with, so a quick comment or an easy "like" won’t do the trick. If there’s one way to start feeling just a little bit older and more clueless, it’s encountering the first big engagement.
So what can you do? No, you don’t reach for the nearest pint of ice cream and start talking like Carrie Bradshaw. Well, not yet. Here’s what to do before the big "I do."
First, congrats.
Obviously. The first step in this whole adulting thing is wishing your friends the best. The newly-engaged couple is probably feeling super giddy at this point, so they’ll be happy to encounter as much heartfelt praise and excitement as possible.
No need to bring up running into either one’s ex recently or post a #TBT pic on the same night that you watched them fight at a bar. Stick to mentioning happy memories in honor of even happier times to come.
Offer to help.
It never hurts to help. Your group of friends probably has a bunch of different skills, so if you all pitch in, it just may make things a little easier for your favorite duo.
Whether you’ve got a side hustle in web design and can whip up their wedding website or you love to craft and can help them step up their Pinterest hack game, you’ll not only be doing the right thing, but you’ll also get to be a part of a special day, whether or not you’re actually in the wedding party.
Start saving ASAP.
Here’s the tough part: weddings are expensive. Even worse is that they’re actually reaching an all-time high when it comes to average costs.
Luckily, you’re not the one footing the whole bill, but you will probably encounter some financial obligations of your own. You might need to pay for a hotel, a new outfit, and maybe even a flight to whichever destination is the site of their nuptials. We live in an age of technology, so not only are our phones good for brainstorming the perfect wedding hashtag, they also come in clutch when it comes to finding necessary money-saving apps.
Check the registry.
Wedding registries don’t just exist because they’re fun wish lists to make; they’re also blueprints for the ultimate gifts to give to your friends. You can’t complain about anyone being hard to shop for if you have access to a wedding registry.
It’s fun to get creative and make a cute, little gift, but it also might be good to add it to a registered gift. There are some give-ins, but either way, you can usually check out their registry online.
Add all of the events to your calendar.
You do not want to be the person that sleeps through the wedding or comes in right when the officiant asks for anyone to "speak now or hold their peace." That’s a nightmare scenario.
The stakes are even higher to be on-time and on high alert if you’re a member of the wedding party. Either way, be a little bit proactive and start marking down a few dates on your calendar. Orderly, for example, allows you to rank tasks and complete them based on importance so that you can get everything done on time. Get organized.
Check in.
Now that you’ve hopefully got it together, maybe you can reach out and ask what your friends need. This could mean offering to help with Bachelorette Party decorating or asking the newly-engaged pair if they just need a night off from planning.
It’s a stressful time just as much as it’s celebratory occasion, so offer to help with the wedding in any way possible. Whether it’s something borrowed or blue or just being a listening ear, the soon-to-be newlyweds will be eternally grateful for your support.
Have fun.
It’s a little scary to see your friends get older and to know that you’re growing up, especially to the point of making lifetime commitments, but it’s also something to celebrate.
Whether you’re cynical and eternally single or on the prowl for the one, just remember that two people you love are in love and it’s a night to honor that. In the end, this will be a memory beyond college, one that actually marks a new era. Just please don’t go too crazy at the open bar. Cheers!
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